What stories are coming up for you?
The week California’s shelter-in-place order went into effect I watched a business I spent the last four years of my life building evaporate right before my eyes (I have since recovered it, thank you!). One week I was contemplating expansion and the next I had no business to speak of. Stories of scarcity ran rampant in my mind. I went to the farthest place of ruin in my imagination, “If we have to, Luna and I can live out of my car at the beach until I can figure out my next move.” Picturing Luna and I crammed into my car with my massive collection of books and her over-sized, over-priced dog-pillow made me laugh out loud. Never did it cross my mind that there were other options between where I am now and becoming a vagabond on the street. My story has always been: I go-it-alone.
My dad left my brother and me a few short months after our mother died when I was 7. My story of going-it-alone created an independence in me that helped me survive my childhood, but it has not served me well in my adult life. It holds me back from trusting others to meet my needs and prevents me from exposing my vulnerabilities—two key ingredients of intimacy in relationships.
Going-it-alone is a story of scarcity—a belief that there is no safety net if I mess up. The truth is I have tons of back-up. I have a lifetime of relationships that would never allow me to live in a car at the beach (unless it was my choice). My story of scarcity denies me the feeling of security. It keeps me imprisoned in a low tone of anxiety when things look even a little shaky.
Shadows are what the story leaves out. In this case, abundance of support is my Shadow. My story of go-it-alone prevents me from seeing how much support is readily available to me. I was only able to identify this Shadow by uncovering the story that created it. By identifying my Shadow I spare myself from blindly tripping over it all the time.
What story has been popping up for you during this time?
In what way do you think that story limits you?
