Do you admit when you’re at capacity?
I’ve had a lot of great conversations with people since my last post, "Did you parent yourself as a child?". People resonated with being SELF-RELIANT to the point of feeling tired, dissatisfied, resentful, disappointed, or emotionally isolated. I asked, “Do you ever share what you just told me to the people in your life?” and every one of them said no, that it felt too vulnerable to admit.
A phrase came to mind that I used to hear growing up, “you have unlimited capacity and are capable of handling everything that comes your way no matter what”. I understand the sentiment of that statement, but it can be Shadow producing to the OVERLY SELF-RELIANT* person. To them, it sounds like a directive that they can--and should--handle whatever they are facing on their own. The OVERLY SELF-RELIANT person’s worst fear is to be seen as someone who can’t hack it, so they hold it together best they can and let everyone believe they are fine.
The OVERLY SELF-RELIANT persona was established in childhood, but it’s constantly reinforced in western society as well. Recall gymnast Simone Biles and the tremendous amount of public criticism she endured after she held up her white flag saying she was beyond capacity and withdrew herself from the Olympics. People called her a quitter and chastised her for waiting so long to withdraw. I don’t know her so I can’t be sure but I’m willing to place a large bet that she hit her capacity long before that white flag was raised but kept going because she didn’t want to disappoint the people around her who her saw her as some bionic superhero.
Projection is one of the fundamental indicators of Shadow. People point fingers at those who represent what they don’t want to admit about themselves. Simone Biles’ public shaming came from a chorus of people trapped in the persona of unlimited capacity.
The truth is humans have limited capacity—there is a limit to how much energy, time, or physical ability one has before rest and sustenance is required. There is only so much heartbreak one can endure before they need to pause and heal. To believe that one can handle everything life throws their way without needing rest or support and not have some sort of breakdown is to deny being human.
Do you have a hard time admitting when you are at capacity and need support? Do you worry that you'll disappoint others or fear they won’t see you the same way when you admit you do?
Exploring inner-Shadow means learning to embrace your humanness, which is complex and multi-dimensional. Through it, you come to understand that love is not contingent on being a particular version of yourself and you are able to celebrate the different layers of who you are, even when you are at your limit and in need of support.
*All-caps are used to identify a particular Persona/Shadow.
