Loneliness & The Shadow.

Relationships are about sharing. I tell you about me, you tell me about you. Sharing allows us to feel heard and seen by another person. That’s intimacy. That’s connection.

Part of why we feel so connected to our pets is because they see every single part of us—they witness our behaviors when we are alone and they love us regardless.

Shadows create withholding. I’m scared that if you see (fill in the blank) part of me you will judge me and not accept or love me, so I am going to hide it from you. (E.g: I don’t want you to think I’m stupid so I act aloof.)

Intimacy is difficult to find when we’re hiding. Hiding creates a barrier between us and the other person.

If we’re really scared to show ourselves we attract to people that are too, so we don’t feel pressure to share. I see this a lot in intimate relationships. I have been in those relationships. Trust me, they are not fulfilling.

If you are feeling lonely ask yourself, where are you withholding in your relationships? What do you fear they’ll see? Do you trust the other person?