We are experiencing exhaustion at a whole new level because our nervous systems are shot. We've been surrounded by--and involved in--relentless squabbling, stuck opinions, misinformation, and distrust. Understanding our Shadows and how our individual inner-stories limit our perspective can make a HUGE difference in how we process our social environment right now. It helps us recognize what we project onto others, what we choose to engage in, what we take on from others, and how we let go.

Other people's words and actions trigger you if it goes against how you want to be seen/known.

I once had a roommate who told lies. It used to light my ass on 🔥! Our other roommate was never bothered by his lying. Why? because he wasn’t afraid of his inner liar. He understood its value.

I noticed a pattern that the men I attracted to shared a fear-of-intimacy. I pushed, nagged, begged, and belittled them to try and get them to change it about themselves. Projection says, “If you spot it, you got it!” but that’s easier to say than own.

My story (self-view) was that I had done a lot of work on myself and was a wide-open book for emotional presence. At least that’s the person I really wanted to be. I swore it was my partners that were afraid of intimacy and not me: “I’m ALWAYS an open book with someone I love. Men NEVER want to be vulnerable no matter how hard I try!” (See Shadow Clue #1 below)

Here is a short video series I'm doing on Instagram this week where I introduce a few "Shadow Clues". Shadow Clues are flags that indicate when a Shadow is close-by. Shadows are blind spots to us making them hard to identify on our own and these Shadow Clues point us in their direction.

IT’S OK YOU REGRESSED.

It makes sense that you reverted back to old coping mechanisms. It's draining to constantly be hit in the face with the reality of your own bullshit. You can only stare yourself down for so long before you need a break.

When I first got Luna she was a 60-pound holy terror who took down every part of my house. I did something with her called "mat training". I didn't use the mat for discipline, I made it a safe and happy place where she could be calm and quiet. Teaching her to go and stay there wasn't easy. It took a while just to get all four of her paws on the mat at once; even longer before I could get her to stay there for more than 2 seconds. Sometimes she would jump over the mat just to avoid going there. After a lot of practice (and frustration), she now goes to the mat on her own when she wants to be left alone to enjoy a toy, or take a nap.

Self-compassion exists because its opposite also exists. Would you agree that the opposite of self-compassion is self-hate?

Consider this: Why do we have self-hate?

When I think about why I would hate myself it is because I am not showing up as the person that I think I am supposed to be (Persona). In other words, I see a behavior pattern that does not line up with how I want to know myself (Persona) and it makes me sick to that that I could ever be the person that behavior pattern represents (Shadow).

Negative self-talk happens when our thoughts, behaviors, actions, or appearances don't line up with the person we think---or want---ourselves to be. We assume something is wrong with us and that we can chastise ourselves into the "right" way of being.

Instead of staying stuck in an exhausting cycle of self-abuse, I've chosen a more loving route…

Expansion comes from a focused intention to do so. I use a series of questions I borrowed from Michael Beckwith to develop my intention and give me a direction to focus my mind on. Sometimes, I pick 1 or 2 questions from each of the sections and use them as writing prompts. Other times, I bring them into my meditation by repeating the question to myself and staying open to any insights that arise. If you like vision boarding these would be great questions to answer on your board.

Emotional triggers are a physiological response to your personal interpretation of a comment, event, or situation. I underline the words: “your personal interpretation” because what you’re reacting to is a story of what that comment (etc.) says about you, not the comment itself.

Perhaps you’ve heard of “Pavlov’s Dogs”, which was named after the Russian scientist, Ivan Pavlov, who won the Nobel Prize for his theory of “Classical Conditioning”. Twenty years after winning his Nobel Prize he stumbled across another discovery that didn’t get as much publicity, but I find equally fascinating called “Inescapable Shock”.

In 2016, I was blindsided by the results of our presidential election, but my black friends weren’t. As I watched the SNL skit where Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle made fun of their white friends for being shocked by the results, I felt a little defensive and ashamed knowing it was me they were mocking.

The week California’s shelter-in-place order went into effect I watched a business I spent the last four years of my life building evaporate right before my eyes (I have since recovered it, thank you!). One week I was contemplating expansion and the next I had no business to speak of.

In ancient yogic text when the word “self” is written with a lowercase “s” it is referring to what the Buddhists call our “small mind”, most commonly known as our ego level. The small mind makes up false stories and is the place where judgment and criticism reside.

I absolutely love this photo. A few months ago I posted it in the entranceway to one of the yoga studios where I teach. It sits at eye level directly across from the bench where people sit down to take off their shoes. I love the chuckle of familiarity that flashes across people’s faces when they see it.

We all have stories we tell about ourselves. Often times, these stories represent a limited view of who we really are. They get in the way of us having true intimacy, our dream job, the ability to speak our heart’s truth, or to know what step to take next in our life’s journey.

Have you ever worked with a yoga teacher one-on-one? I was about fifteen years into my yoga practice the first time I did. I loved my group classes but felt ready to take my practice to the next level. I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant for me, but I wanted to know more than what the teacher could offer me with 30 other people in the room. 

When I tell people what I do for a living, these are the two phrases I hear most:

1. “I can’t do yoga because I am not flexible enough.”

2. “I can’t meditate, because I can’t shut my mind off.”

When I first adopted my puppy she was 30 pounds. I thought she was full-grown, but apparently, she was nowhere near full grown. People who met her when I first adopted her would see her months later and comment on how big she was getting.

Back in 2003, I saw the above photo on the cover of the New Yorker and I did one of those simultaneous laugh-and-sighs because it really resonated with me. I am not sure if what is happening in the photo is easy to see on here, but it is a Yogini in perfect lotus position with a scowl on her face, because of a nearby fly. Her yoga practice isn’t working for her.